When Your Race Can’t Wait.

Social Justice

“There’s no sense muddying a discussion about gender with race,” I was once told. “We can talk about that later.”

Initially, I was taken aback. That comment, however insensitive it may have felt, was said without ill intent. But how could someone I respected so highly hit me with a classic line from the White Feminist Manifesto? Didn’t she know the impossibility of that request?

I went through several emotions: ignorance, shock, disbelief, and finally a confusing ball of sadness and anger. And, just as suddenly, I didn’t know how to feel, other than hurt.

And tired.

With the Women’s March just days away, I couldn’t help but feel a great deal of anxiety that I will once again be expected to make my race a secondary focus.

This was a small section of a bigger conversation, but it spoke to a much larger phenomenon: the expectation of Black women to rank their relationship between race and womanhood. I am dually displaced. No group sees an urgent or immediate importance of my struggles.

This continues an overarching trend of black women not belonging to themselves. We are only useful for other’s interests. Each group only embraces us when we work for their cause.

Trying to separate my identities is like expecting water to rank its hydrogen and oxygen. Ranking my race over my gender is equally impossible- without both, I cannot be. My experiences are a product of both factors intertwined.
As a black woman, I have been seen as property throughout most of history- My everyday existence is political

Throughout history, we have been asked to pick a side, knowing that both typically disregard our full interests.

The Black man expects us to alienate ourselves from the women’s movement, abandon our concerns of gender, and stand with them. The white woman expects us to put race on the back burner, leaving our racially based experiences to be dealt with later. To be a woman first and a black person second.

It sounds convenient, but we cannot do that.

As a Black woman, my daily experiences are shaped through the dual lenses of womanhood AND blackness. That means when Black men are preoccupied with mass incarceration at disproportionate rates, I have to also consider the misogyny laced in the Black power movement. When white women tell me to protest sexual assault, I have to remember in the not- so-distant past, I was “unrapable” because my Blackness cancelled out my virtue.

As a BLACK WOMAN, I have to fear my son being a future hashtag because he is proportionately more likely to be killed by police but I also have to fear my future daughter getting her plaits cut because her Afro is “not acceptable.”

But this is not a new discussion.

It is reminiscent of a different era when the Black female presence was valued in the “movement” until the Black man had a potential of gaining privilege sooner. We started the race together, the only thing standing in your way of your right to vote was your womanhood.

But I had two hurdles to jump. We were embraced because of our womanhood with another condemned along with our men’s blackness. Did you not know you were also condemning me?

All that shocks me. It has been hundreds of years and there is still no support for the Black woman. Men degrade us by utilizing us for their pleasure and purposes, dismissing us when we are no longer of use.

The women’s rights movement utilizes us for our numbers but abandons us when we need them most, showing no concern for the disparities in our community. Used up and hurt, we have no safe haven. Recipients of the lowest of the low treatment.

Where is the black man, when the white man devalues us? We fought for you when they came after you for cat calls.. When the black man is killed, we rallied and protested.

Where is the white woman, when the black man abandons us? We were there for you when you needed our voice. When the white woman is concerned with reproductive rights, we voiced our support.

When white women’s virtue was threatened our men were killed for it or like today, they are hung by the judicial system. When the black woman was raped and forced to carry the master’s child- our men were full of fear, and white women were full of resentment.

We fight so hard to further another’s cause. But who shall stand for the black woman?

After coming to terms with the conversation, I had nothing to do but cry. For the hundredth time in my life, I had to explain my identity and for the hundredth time, I felt silenced. In the midst of my tears, I remembered: There have been many to walked this path throughout the centuries.
Those who are felt dually trapped and ostracized. I found comfort in my ancestors’ shared experiences.

Suddenly, I recalled I was not alone in the fight for injustice. My community reminded me my experiences were, in fact, valid and that I do not have to choose. Looking back, I’m proud of myself. I spoke to what I felt and made it clear that I would not choose or be silenced.



Goal Chasing, Working From Home

Are you tired of being broke? So was I. Don’t sit around trying to pay the bills. Take your funds into your own hands! Read Here for 5 WAYS TO DIVERSIFY YOUR INCOME IN PJ’S.

As a Milspouse, any job I take has to accommodate my husband’s schedule. As a mother, any job I took own had to accept my son’s monthly doctor’s appointment AND be worth the cost of childcare.

Unsurprisingly, that type of job is hard to find- even with a degree.

For awhile I had a once in a lifetime position that allowed me to bring my son to work. But once my son was mobile it became more stressful than productive.

Unable to afford childcare and not enjoying an “opposite shift” style marriage. I knew SOMETHING had to be done.

And then I saw something inspirational. I was feeling “woe is me” and watching a documentary on poverty. During the film, earthquake survivors in Haiti found a way to start an energy business and provide jobs to the community.

I was awestruck.
If someone could start a successful business with 0 resources and minimal food. What was holding me back?

Once again, In. Haiti. With. No. Electricity.

Had my privilege led to complacency? Why should expect for a system to provide for me? Why not take control of my own future? And I began working on writing my goals.


1. Sell Your Skill (Individual)

I know what you are thinking… “But I don’t have any skills!” Yes, you do. Six months ago I would spend a great deal of my time whining about now having a trade.

This is so unfair! I would think to myself.

I would look at the musicians and glare. I would look at the dancers and glare. Hell, I would even look at my husband (programming) and glare!

Then one day, I sat down and took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test.

As an ENFP, I excel in matters of communication. One of the skills revealed was writing. I told my best friend and he replied, “Yea, you’ve been writing since forever.”

And then it came back to me. All the A’s on my papers in college. All of the people who suggested I wrote a book per Facebook statuses.

I couldn’t believe it. I had a skill. So I looked for gigs that related to my skill set.

FREELANCE YOUR SKILLS. Someone somewhere needs your work.

2. Write Articles for Online Pubs

If you can construct a basic sentence you can get paid to write. (Of course, you would have to grow in that skill in order to make relevant sums of money. but it’s possible)

When I first started out, I was writing for a site that only liked “click-bait”. I hated it. It did not take long for me to realize three things.

  1. I am not a publish for pay kinda girl
  2. I was not being paid a fair wage.

Despite the suckiness, there was a silver lining- I was building my portfolio.
With writing, the proof of skill is more important than credentials. And more importantly, regardless of your beliefs, there is a publication that would pay you for your perspective.

If you’re a mom submit your experiences to parenting sites.

If you’re a girlfriend submit your articles to dating columns.

If you’re a hoe, submit to sex magazines! (jk lol. Sex positive feminist here)

Just submit! There’s $$$ to be made.

3. Sell Apparel

I love personalized gifts. Most people are like me.

People spend BILLIONS a year for person stuff. Turn it into a hustle. I write cause it’s easy and I’m lazy. If I wasn’t lazy I would be a tee shirt making fool!

Buy thrift store shirts and get bedazzlin’. Wear your clothes and watch people notice and inquire.

Make cups. Make personalized journals. Make shoes.

And then send me some. I love stuff.

But Fo’ real. Get on google and look up how to tutorials. You can learn anything on Youtube. You can do it. Make that money guurrll.

4. Teach a Skill (To groups)

That skill you up and realized you had a few steps ago? Not only can you make money by doing it as a Freelance service. You can ALSO teach it to a group!

If you can pay the guitar/ dance/ draw teach lessons.

Teach a coupon class if you’re great with money. Meal prep if you’re awesome with food. Be a fitness trainer if you’re fit.

If you’re great at a particular subject or speak another language teach them to groups! There is something you have that others want. Teach it to them.

5. Be a Virtual Assistant

There are ALOT of people who are so successful they don’t have time to complete all their tasks.

And that is where a Virtual Assistant (VA) comes in.

If you are super organized find someone who needs your help and get paid to schedule their meetings. Send their emails and everything in between.

You’d be surprised the things some of these rich folks need help with. The smallest tasks waste too much of their time and they need someone to take it off of their hands.

There is a lot of work to be done. No one person can do it.


Do something different going into 2017. Ditch the Resolution and have a plan! Be sure to have friends that support you along the way. And get started on that Goal list!

Being a military spouse has taught me how to hustle. NO ONE hustles like MilSpo’s. We can take the dirt from a backyard and make a garden without water.

Like Fo’ Real.

There is something out there for you.

Have you already considered any of these? Is there one in particular that you would like me to expand on? Can you think of an awesome side hustle I forgot to name?

Don’t forget to Like, Share, Comment and Subscribe.

Ditch the New Year’s Resolutions

Goal Chasing


With a little less than 2 months left in 2016, we’re getting to that time people will start discussing New Year’s resolutions.

The overwhelming majority of those people will not begin to act on those resolutions until Jan 1, 2017. And an overwhelming majority of those people will not make it through the first quarter with those resolutions.

Now, I’m going to tell you why I believe this is the case.

While there are many definitions for the word “Resolution”, a quick google search reveals the following as a top hit:
“a firm decision to do or not to do something”.
I believe this is the most referenced definition when people discuss resolutions. Can you identify the problem with it?


Saying you have made “A firm decision” to do something, keeps you in the contemplation stage of goals reaching. In this definition, the action comes off as secondary to the thought. And even optional!

In addition to a lack of action, I find these “Holiday Resolutions” to be particularly troubling because of poor timing.

Here’s an example:

Let’s say you hope to increase a letter grade in a course. You wouldn’t wait until the day of the test to start studying, would you? ( Disclaimer: As an extreme procrastinator, I did this ALOT during college. I cannot confirm or deny it’s effectiveness ^_^)

No way!

Instead, it makes more sense to begin prepping and incorporating effective study habits the moment you realize your grade is in jeopardy?

If you want to get an “A” in your Intro to Psychology class in 2017. You should begin prep in 2016. That way, when 2017 (the target date for change) arrives, you will have gotten into an effective routine of habits to accomplish your goal.

Lifestyle changes do not occur overnight. So start your work for next year now!

I have already identified the changes I hope to be in a routine of by Jan 2017, for this reason. And I have a little under two months of “free trail” goal practice.

If we follow this plan of action, by January 2017, we should be ready.
I have developed what I call the 3D’s program. My 3D plan will target 4 key areas of improvement:
Through intentional, directed steps, I know I can reach these goals.
Join me next time for a detailed course of action. And please shoot me an email if you would like to participate in the 3D Weekly accountability meetup.

The Importance of Accountibuddies.

Goal Chasing

To quote the words of the great Bruno Mars, “Today I don’t feel like doing ANYTHING”.

We all have those days, where it seems to require every ounce of your soul to even go pee.

Today is one of those days for me.

But as a mother, wife, and an empire builder- I can’t afford to waste that time. And here’s why.

Time will pass whether I am productive or not. Deadlines will keep rolling in and baby will still need food, diapers, and interaction.

Can I take a day off? Sure!

But I know myself. That day’s activities will domino right on to the rest of my prescheduled tasks. And that domino will increase the next day’s work. And the next day will be more stressful. And I’ll be overwhelmed. And THEN I’ll make excuses of my dreams being too hard.

And I will quit.

Enter the importance of accountibuddies.

I know a lot of people say to work in silence and let your success do the talking. (Or maybe “they” don’t say that and I just made it up lol! Either way that was gold!)

But I would like to tweak that a Lil bit. I think you should tell ATLEAST one, but no more than 5 people about your dreams.

Good accountibuddies have  3 qualities

  • Constructively Critical
  • Driven
  • Encouraging

This person (or people) will be your bridge out of stagnancy. The idea is to use peer pressure and annoyance and convert them into motivation.

I have 3 main accountibuddies. I bug them about writing goal list and they tell me to G.T.F. over it when I lose sight of my vision.

It is so much easier to succeed when you have a team who want to see grow. They understand because they crave success just and hard.

Accountibuddies know your skills. And they have no problem calling you out if you are not working to your full potential.

Shout out to accountibuddy “A” for getting me up and moving.

Who are your accountibuddies??

Feeling lazy too? Brighten your day with this jam!

The Dreaded Goal list.

Goal Chasing

Do you see yourself as an alchemist?

Merriam-Webster defines alchemy as “a power or process that changes or transforms something in a mysterious or impressive way. “

I know what you’re thinking.. “But I thought we were talking about goals, not science KoolKnitta!

Gimme a second. Let me learn ya!

Taking where you are and transforming it into where you’d like  to be, requires many ingredients. But my favorites are as follow

  • Determination
  • Vision
  • Knowledge

As dreamers, we often find ourselves with the challenge of transforming abstract concepts i.e “nothing” into tangible results i.e “something”.

I believe, dreamers are all alchemist. We pull things out of the theoretical realm with hopes it will manifest in the physical realm.

Think of your pen and paper as a weight. Weights limit movement and make your ideas too heavy to fly away.

Writing down your dreams takes concepts and makes them measurable.

“But I don’t like to write, Knitta. I just like to dream a great dream and hope it will come true.” say’s our non-productive self

And that is why so many of us have wonderful ideas with 0 progress.

Once you make your goals measurable, you can track you progress.

I use 3 different lists to measure my progress towards my goals.

  1. Task List- Tiny steps toward greatness
  2. Mid Term- Challenging yet seemingly possible
  3. Long Term –Grandiose

For ejemplo, when I first decided I wanted to be a professional writer, I had no idea where to start. When you have spent your life allowing dreams to pass, it is easy to feel overwhelmed once you decide to chase them. So made 3 lists and I added 3 things, one per list.

It looked almost identical to the following:

  1. A to-do item – write down your fears
  2. A distant yet reachable goal- Publish your first article for pay
  3. A “haha you wish” list- Make over $1,000 in revenue by the end of 2016.

By writing down the smallest of steps, I was able to take the fear out of dream chasing. In addition to removing my fears, I made my progress traceable.

No matter how small the step, I knew when I made conscious motions towards my dreams.

Next time we will dive into the importance of the first list- The “tasks” list.

Knitta Out.


Small Steps Toward Big Dreams

Goal Chasing

I know you have a dream. This dream is something that you would love to do but have no idea how to get there.

The good news is, it is possible to accomplish your dream(s). The bad news is, will it take vision and serious effort to do so.

It can be difficult to track process towards an abstract concept like a vision. But you can. And if you are anything like me, you quit when you feel your efforts are fruitless.

If you like me you also find yourself in a cycle. You find a passion. You get excited. You throw yourself in too hard. As a result, you get overwhelmed and quit.

People like us make ourselves feel better by saying we CAN’T stick with things. We protect ourselves from feelings of failure by not dedicating ourselves to our dreams.

I tell myself that same lie. “I can’t stick to  {insert activities here}.” “I’m not a {Insert skill here} kinda person.”

And then a long term friend of mine told me he keeps a goal list.

I’m not a list person I said. That’s not my thing. He and his mother challenged me to try it anyway.

I did and my life was forever changed.

Through a multi-step action based goal list, I have made more progress towards my goals in the last 4 months than I have in the last 10 years.

There is power and accountability in documentation. Let me show you how a goal list can change your life.



The night I was introduced to the power of the list. 



Black Fatherhood Matters




Before our youth understands that #blacklivesmatter, We must first teach them #blackfamiliesmatter. The most vital yet overlooked role in our community is the role of the Father. Before we can effectively fight injustice, we must fight the years of systematic deconstruction of the black family. I challenge you to post a POSITIVE image of a black father or role model.
#BlackFatherhood #Blackmentorshipmatters #BlackFathersMatter

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Black Breastfeeding Week ’16


Did you know breastfeeding can come in many forms?

There is the traditional nursing- which involves baby to breast.

There is expressing or “pumping” milk in order to bottle feed (as seen in my first image). This system is easiest for moms who work, like myself.

And lastly, there are Supplemental Nursing Systems (SNS). SNS allow moms (or DADS) to use previously expressed milk to get the Breastfeeding feel.
This is often used when there are complications in milk production.

Breastfeeding is versatile.
It doesn’t matter how you do it! There are many ways to try.

While you’re at it, check out my latest article

"The Power and Promise of Chocolate Milk" for ParentMap!


#BlackBreastfeedingWeek #BlackWomenDOBreastfeed#PleaseTRYBreastbeforetherest

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5 Productive Things to Do to Honor Korryn Gaines Instead of Feeling Helpless (VIDEO)

Community Empowerment

2016 has been a very heavy year. It seems like every day there is a new instance of brutality. By now we have all heard of the horrific murder of  young mother Korryn Gaines.

I don’t know about you, but I am so tired. I am tired of reading, I am tired of seeing, and at this point, I am tired of being.

At times, it seems that situations are hopeless for us as a people. Luckily, as every cloud has a Silver lining, every issue has a solution. Though our present may seem bleak, our future is very bright.

Just as our ancestors were able to locate the Northern Star, despite surrounding darkness, we too can locate freedom. The most important step is UNITY. As a collective body, we can accomplish so much more. The following is a list of five key things to improve our condition.

Stop with the divisive rhetoric

The MOST important action required in order to improve our condition is to put an end to the excessive categorizing. One reason that I do not ascribe to the modern day “Conscious” Movement is its excessive isolation. There seems to be a checklist for consciousness these days.

“You can’t have a weave and be conscious, you must hate yourself.” “You can’t be Christian and Conscious, that’s the Massa religion.” Blah freaking Blah. I am beyond tired of hearing these and similar statements. I personally don’t give a flying flip who you worship and how you wear your hair.

Do you think before each black body is gunned down do they do a blackness test? Blackness is not any specific behavior and set of likes and dislikes. It is a shared past and a series of interrelated social experiences. Stop finding more ways to further marginalize an already marginalized population! People are dying! We do not have time to continue this nonsense.

Emphasize Black Economics

We have all been told to support Black Business and boycott everything else. Now I am going to tell you why that is so important. As long as we are dependent on someone else’s economy to survive, we lack power.

You cannot be all over Facebook saying  “Fuck the Police, Fight the system” and wake up every morning and work for the man. As long as our livelihood is provided via “The System”, you cannot fight it. If you want to see real power, work towards self-sustainability. Additionally, stop saying you cannot buy Black because it’s $2 higher.

We keep buying at beauty supplys and similar stores despite being  followed and treated like trash. We go out of our way to support Christian Louboutin and sing about Red Bottom heels. I’m certain we can afford to shop around and support our people. We have a culture of consumerism, let’s take our 1.1 Trillion and nation build. There is a reason popular culture is a reflection of OUR culture. We hold a good hand, let’s play it.

S.T.E.M. and Business Encouragement

We have enough aspiring rappers and athletes. These entertainment careers do not translate into community building unless we can increase the number black label and team ownership.

Let’s stop allowing the power elite to pimp our skills for a profit. The highest NFL contract is about 120 million, yet Jerry Jones bought the entire Dallas Cowboys Team for $150 million. We have all seen the stories of Prince, MJ, and many of the greats having to fight for the rights of their own music. We need more free agency- Hire local so we can create our own jobs.

We have to encourage more productive majors in College. No more 45k plateau degrees. If you are tired of biased studies calling us inferior and unethical medical testing on our bodies, let’s raise more Black Scientist and Medical Professionals!

We talk so much about the latest phones and gadgets, let’s encourage a higher concentration of Black people in Technology and Math. We can do this. I have a son and I plan to expose him to all the Science, Technology and Math I can through his father (Technology), his Grandfathers (Math/Science) and his God Father (Engineering).

Involvement in the Political Process

So many people downplay the importance of voting. I whole-heartedly disagree. I take pride in voting because my ancestors went through extreme hardships for that ability. I am BLACK and A WOMAN.

I was never intended to have a voice. Voting is a ritual that I will take place in whenever possible. We all know about the Electoral College and Blah Blah Blah, but in the United States, we have States Rights!

You feel powerless during the Presidential Election? The Good News is we have an Executive, Judicial, and Legislative Branch! Start voting at the lowest level and vote all the way to the Senate representatives to ensure your interests are reflected in Congress. Politics are important, stop ignoring them. Our blind eye is the reason we have legalized gerrymandering.

It is not all conspiracy, some of it is simply a lack of public involvement. Voting gives a sense of involvement in the political process. Saying “Voting isn’t real, so I’m not doing it” does nothing but foster a sense of helplessness. We are NOT helpless, we are disenfranchised.

Mental Health Treatment

African Americans have a tough past on our backs- centuries of pain and victimization. We need to cease downplaying mental illness and liberate ourselves.

When you allow years of negative experiences and mistreatment to build up you interact with people differently. Did you have a bad relationship with an ex that ruined the way you see all men or all women?

I hear way too many stories of sexual assault kept on the hush within our community. We have got to hold the culprits of sexual abuse accountable. I don’t care who they are to you; if you love them help them get treatment. Get that mess worked out.

Stop the bad mouth of the opposite sex! ESPECIALLY if they are the Mother or Father of one of your children. We have got to stop passing these negative images of relationships to our children. You do not have to stay together, but you DO have to co-parent. If your child’s father is absent, find them a mentor!

Please, Please, Please stop talking to these kids like animals. Speak life and purpose into these children! Let them know they are great and can be greater. We cannot afford to continue perpetuating these negative images within our community.

We have been still long enough. There is NOTHING wrong with prayer but please compliment it with action. If we do not support our own, we will retain this position in society. Turn your Black Pride into Black Productivity. You can only be oppressed through someone you depend on.

Brother Malcolm Tell’em

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Privilege Continued


It has been brought to my attention that some feel I have made an oversimplification of what privilege is.  I would like to respond to that by saying this is not a series for those who are “privilege experts”. It is an INTRODUCTORY course for those are seeking to understand these topics for the first time. While we will build, it is important to understand the use of  brick before you can ever hope to build a house.

That being said, allow me to lay the foundation and then you can decide if you like my house.

In this post, we are going to discuss more forms of privilege and do more real life examples.

Quick Recap

In the last post ,we addressed that there are multiple identities present in one individual and that is where intersectionality comes to play.

We very loosely touched on the concept of white privilege. As always, many white people here the term “White Privilege” and assume the claim is being made that in every situation or comparison, you are better off simply because of being white.

This false assumption results in the negation of the reality of white privilege and denial of their recipiency.

This is not the claim being made. Being white in the majority of the world allows you the benefit of the doubt more often than others, but it is not the end all be all.

Reality Check Time

There will be a level of initiative and independent study required. My goal is not to give you ALL the answers.

For a more thorough discussion on real life manifestations on White Privilege here are some suggested readings:

If you read nothing else on the topic, the most important illustration of what we are discussing is White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

I also suggest the following articles that give awesome explanations.

Moving along, While race is the most discussed type of privilege, intersection, in short, provides a level of balance for most of us.

Real Life Example #2

Meet Aniyah. Aniyah is a Mexican-American cisgender female from Frisco, Texas. Growing up, Aniyah had 2 present parents. One who is a doctor and one who is an engineer. As a result of her parent’s affluence, she has attended private school her entire life and received a quality education. Aniyah is a lesbian and she has been in a wheelchair since the age of five as a result of a terrible car crash.

While Aniyah’s parents have always provided her with the best money could buy (privilege), Her being bound to a wheelchair (disadvantaged) has created an increased daily struggle to get around.

When she visits her relatives, she occasionally cannot get around due to lack of sidewalks and automatic doors. She is often anxious about her interactions, as she does not want sympathy- there just weren’t  necessary accommodations that allow independence. Some of her childhood friends who share her ethnic identity (Mexican American) face discrimination and are often accused of being “illegals”.

Aniyah’s affluence and presence in prominent social groups act as a buffer(privilege). Lastly, while acceptance of same-sex relationships is on the rise, she still has a level of social anxiety when going out in public with her girlfriend of 5 years (disadvantaged).  Although she is a 30-year-old adult, many look past her and speak to her father when they have they have a question about her life. She has come out to her parents who aren’t worried because they feel it’s “just a phase”.

Had her money not been a buffer, Aniyah would experience increased levels of the follow


Sexism / Patriarchy


Anti-Mexican Sentiment

Robert v Aniyah

While Robert is a White male, economically and educationally, he Is worse off that Aniyah. In terms of independence (mobility & seeing seen as subordinate) Aniyah is worse off than Robert. Roberts relationships are seen as less taboo and Aniyah education gives her increased access and exposure to the world around her.

The purpose of this comparison is to illustrate no one is ALL privileged and very few are ALL disadvantaged. Your life experience is the details PLUS the context.

I will end by saying, this is an informational series, I am not here to convince anyone of anything. If you believe all of these topics are made up, this is not the place for you and I won’t argue with anyone.

However, if you have the desire to learn and understand, I can help with that. 🙂

What about you? What do you think? Next time, we will cover religion and how in western culture, certain religions come with a level of privilege!

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